I have been wondering if perhaps we both need parenting classes. On how to be a better parent and how to communicate better. Through the past year especially,I realised that both Iz and I have very diffirent parenting styles. Of course, they are things we agree on but there are also others that we simply can’t seem to find middle ground. And of course, when that happens, we both end up being unhappy. And it bothers me a whole lot cos one of my pet peeves is being faced with someone who is really grouchy.

Who is right?Admittedly, I am the less fierce one at home and tend to give in to the little fella more. But I feel that I am firm enough when I need to be. Obviously, Iz dosen’t think so and he believes in ‘discipline’ when the need arises. Of course, I do agree but I also feel that talking to the little fella helps too in bringing the point across..instead of mere punishment and scoldings that will only result in more tantrums.

I used the ‘distraction’ tactic quite a lot and I like it because it seems to work but Iz feel that that is giving in. Just like earlier on, the little fella was throwing a tantrum because he saw Iz playing on his PSP too. So he wanted it too. This is where you can clearly see our diffrent parenting styles.

 Me: I tried coaxing him and distracting him with other things..tickling him..asking him to read etc etc. But he still continued crying so I just persisted in talking and pacifying till he quietened down. Only after he quietened down, then did i ask if he could take someone else’s toy and whether it was right. So I asked…can u take Teacher XYZ’s toy? Can u take Teacher ABC’’s toy? He shook his head and said no. So asked if he was still going to take Daddy’s toy and he said No. So, it worked for today and I am hoping that he will remember it and I will reinforce with all these ‘pep talks’ whenever i can.

 Iz:When the little fella started crying, he very firmly told him ‘No’ and just stood his ground. That, to him, is not giving in and just persisting in being firm and consistent about not giving in to demands.

So obviously, there is a difference in our styles and sometimes they clash. Is there one that is more effective/ That is where we then become unhappy with each other and the problem escalates from one of the little fella to us. Of course, it passes but then I do think it is very unhealthy..that it will have its detrimental effect in the long run.

 But how do we reach middle ground without stepping on each other’s toes?Do we need to be reminded that we are first husband and wife before we are parents?

Posted: January 9th, 2008 under Family, Marriage, Parenting.
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Spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about this and also during my ride to work this morning. Basically started cos Iz said that he wanted to go for a fren’s birthday dinner on Sun. Took it to mean that he wanted to go without me and the little fella so I wasn’t too pleased. I wasn’t really happy because I see weekends as family time. Not that we don’t do that on other evenings but it is different when you get to spend the entire day as a family. I do see the importance of personal space and time and perhaps I am being selfish, but I really don’t like either of us going off on our own during weekends except for work, of course. As a rule of thumb, I wun do it myself. Of course, then it would also mean that I have to handle the little fella on my own. Already Iz is working on Sat so I got the whole afternoon with the little fella and then now Sun evening as well. Dun mean to make the little fellla sound like a burden but it is not easy handling a very active little one. An extra pair of hands really really help.

But then again, am I being too selfish? Too demanding? Making a mountain out of a molehill? I really  don’t want to be accused of being petty or whatever else. In anycase…will go with whatever Iz decides. Just dun want this to become a point of contention between us… There…I have said my piece and this shall be the last of it.

Posted: October 18th, 2007 under Family, Marriage.
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Over the last weekend, we caught up with some of my uni frens. It is  amazing to see, how after a deacde, some things haven’t changed. The likes and dislikes of people..their habits..It is something I have known all the while but yet when you really think about it, it is funny how people are all intricately linked in the human web. Like how my secondary school teacher is now my mil, like how my uni fren was also Iz’s secondary/JC friend. Weird huh?!

 Meeting up with old frens always brings back such memories. Though a decade has passed, it did not seem too long ago that we were in school and doodling away during lectures. And of course, in all conversations, our infamous garden with th tall, tall weeds would always be talked about. I think about those days even more now because I suddenly ‘met’ so many people again via Facebook. And I realised that half or more than half of the Singaporeans in my batch are no longer living in Singapore. I wonder when it would be my turn…really can’t wait to relocate. Though things may be iffy for us, I think if we both take that step of faith and walk hand-in-hand, we will be all right. It is a gigantic adventure that I sure am looking forward to. Afterall, if we don’t do it now, when will we ever do it?

Posted: October 16th, 2007 under Family, Marriage.
Comments: 1

I am tired of writing about how busy I am and how tiring it gets. To me..busy-ness is now a constant so I shall not gripe about it any longer. It shall be me just coping with it and taking it as part and parcel of work of life, in general. Some random thoughts  that have popped into my mind the last couple of days:

• Am I a good wife/mother?
• What exactly is it that holds a relationship together?
• When will we ever get to move?
• What will Matthew be like when he grows up?

These are thoughts that I had when waiting for the train,when waiting for the system to load up etc etc. Not sure if I have the answers to all of them but like think they are still interesting to think about.

Posted: October 11th, 2007 under Family, Marriage, Parenting, work.
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I was on the way to work this morning and listening to “A Slice of Life” on radio. They were talking about the common or rather the Top 5 causes of quarrels amongst couples. They were 1) Money 2)Sex and 3)Work 4)Children and 5)Housework. Apparently, according to some studies or the other, couples talk about money at least once a week. What I found interesting was their take on that though money was the subject/focus, it also implied power play and one person having a foothold in the argument cos of higher earning power. Think for Iz and ourselves, the issue of having one earn more than the other is never an issue cos more money is always good. Regardless of who earns it , it goes to the family anyway. But think the issue we both have to deal with and be constantly aware of is how not to overspend and save for a rainy day. That is definitely something we both need to/are working on. Especially with the migration pending and also the little fella. Cannot afford to be too easy and irresponsible with money anymore. That said, I do like to pamper myself once in a while. Won’t it be so sad and boring if I had to scrimp and save all the time?

Of course apart from us, I was thinking about D&M.If they are constantly arguing about money and sex, does it mean their marriage is doomed to fail? Who is right and who is wrong or rather what is right and what is wrong? I also haven’t the slightest clue….

Posted: January 24th, 2007 under Family, Marriage.
Comments: 2

I was talking to S yesterday about having kids. And said I would be very excited when she gets a kid.Anyway..that set me thinking a little bit. Is there such thing as an ideal time to have kids? After marriage …yeah..but when after marriage? For us, M came along really quickly.About 5 weeks or so after our wedding, I sensed something was amiss and thought that I might be pregnant. And lo and behold…after 3 home-tests and a visit to the gynae, all was confirmed :) So very quickly after the wedding and all, we had to not only get used to being husband and wife but also to being daddy and mummy-to-be. 

Sometimes I wish we had more couple time and more time to enjoy each other’s company first…to go travel….to go watch more midnight movies etc. But sometimes I think it was good M came along early cos I would then be younger and more able to keep up with him. And most importantly, M would not be who he is now if it was a different pregnancy. And I love him for just who is…tantrums and all. He is such a little cheeky fella and all it takes is a chuckle or smile from him to wipe away all tiredness. He is also very affectionate and loves to cuddle. It is funny to see him kissing his own reflection in the mirror or his photo. Hehe…shall not digress.I can go on and on abt M.

So after all these thinking about when is the right timing, I reckon there is no right or wrong timing. Each would have its goods and bads and it is also how we choose to react to it. We still got our couple time, only difference was that I was pregnant. By the time we went for our honeymoon, I was already about 4 mths pregnant. The good/great/marvellous thing is that I never did get any morning sickness at all. Apart from the occasional throwing up from eating the wrong thing and the gastric-ky feeling in the first trimesterm pregnancy was a breeze. In fact, I enjoyed my pregnancy right up to the time M was born. It was great too that we had a wonderful gynae who was totally reassuring and did not make me do this or do that. Even sashimi was OK he said, as long as it was fresh.Hmm…sometimes I miss being pregnant but the first couple of months after delivery is another story altogether

All in all, I reckon that even if we could turn back the clock, I still want to get married when I did and get pregnant when I did And of course, I still want to be married to the same person.

Posted: December 1st, 2006 under Family, Marriage, Pregnancy.
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